Yes yes we know, you want to intern with Lloyds, and you want to do it real bad. You’re desperate for some experience at the BBC news desk and you really, really want to be mentored by an entrepreneurial guru in the Silicone Valley. As people very much involved in the internship business, we get it. And we want you to dream big – REAL BIG.
However, while you daydream about internships which are highly competitive but very real, we spent some time today day-dreaming about the ones that aren’t. And we realised that there are A LOT of them that look ridiculously badass. Not only that, they show great opportunities for being mentored by some truly inspirational bosses and great career advancing potential.
So here they are, the best internships around! Unfortunately, they don’t exist, but that won’t stop us from dreaming about getting these roles.
1. Business Management Intern at Wayne Enterprises (also known as Wayne Industries) (Batman)
PROS: Look. No one really needs to be convinced to intern for Batman, not to mention the possibility for work trips in the bat-mobile. But working for such a large corporation, with branches involving biotech, foods, shipping, steel works, aerospace as well as their own charitable foundation, means an incredibly valuable learning experience. The scope of the work you would be involved in at Wayne Enterprises is endless.
CONS: Unlikely that you would be reporting to Wayne himself, as his role in the company remains elusive (although he is the largest shareholder). Lucius Fox is, however, not to be dismissed. The man has single handedly run the company through turbulent and testing times. It’s worth noting that Wayne Enterprises operates out of Gotham City, a place folk seem to live in if they have a death wish.
Also, company hours seem to involve a lot of late nights and the occasional super villain. So this internship would be best suited to candidates of a certain “lifestyle.”
If you want to pursue this fantasy further, you can visit the “website” here (http://wayneenterprises.co/). Or watch this company “commercial” on loop here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56mOEdDzCjY
2. Electrical Engineering Intern at Stark industries (Iron Man)
PROS: Stark industries is a multi-billion dollar conglomerate owned and run by businessman Anthony Edward “Tony” Stark, also known as Iron Man. Similar vibes to Wayne Enterprises in regards to large, powerful company spearheaded by superhero. Their focus was – until a recent announcement – on building lots of very big weapons. But Stark, bless, has had a change of heart and is currently rethinking where they should focus their undeniably ludicrous knowledge and resources. Stark, bad-boy that he is, runs a very tight ship in office. Hours are long, projects are ambitious, and you’ll have to quite literally put your life on the line for the sake of the company.
CONS: This internship would be suited to someone a little more capable of handling the public eye, because if you’re working for Stark your every move will be watched by the entire world. Unlike Wayne Enterprises, over at Stark Industries things are a little more… uh – brazen? Think guns, explosions, and a celebrity CEO who’s identity is well known. Your boss also can’t seem to stay out of trouble, so though your job title is “intern” – expect it to stretch into everything from PR manager to baby sitter.
3. An Auror at Ministry of Magic (Harry Potter)
If you missed out on your Hogwarts letter when you were 11 (Errol most definitely was caught in a gale and never delivered mine), now is the time for you to take your rightful place in the wizarding world. This institution is the home of the governing body for British magic. With a central location underground in Whitehall, its the perfect place for those of you looking for an internship in London.
There are many departments to choose from no matter what your field of interest. Fascinated by other wizarding nations? The department of International Magical Cooperation is for you! Are you an elusive soul without a clear direction in life? You may be more suited to the Department of Mysteries. Our pick is hands down the Auror Office.
This internship is no doubt EXTREMELY competitive to acquire: you will need straight exceeds expectations on your N.E.W.T.s and the job itself is no walk in the park (Aurors are the only wizards with a license to kill). Yet you would be working with perhaps the greatest wizard of our time – Harry Potter – and no amount of risk and hard work can dull the magnificence of that opportunity. Childhood dreams really can come true.
CONS: The history of the Ministry is goes a bit pear-shaped in the 90s, with a few deranged Ministers of Magic and an eventual infiltration by the Dark Lord into the upper echelons of power. Yet the Ministry’s repute was reinstated after the Second Wizarding War with the Appointment of Kingsley Shacklebolt at the body’s helm.
4. Aerospace Engineer on the Death Star (I or II take your pick they both will be destroyed eventually lol) (Star Wars)
PROS: Described by Wilhuff Tarkin, in his posthumously-published memoir, as an “impregnable fortress,” the Death Star is foremost a symbol of not just the Empire, but of the forefront of hyperspace and galaxy exploration. This large, moon-sized deep space mobile battle station was constructed by the galactic empire after the defeat of the Separatists in the Clone Wars.
CONS: Theres really no avoiding the fact that your career will be short lived (Death Stars are a-typically destroyed by The Resistance). We should also mention that your contract explicitly states the you would formerly have to sign yourself over to the dark side. There’s an unsaid dress code of all black, so you may have to invest in a new, more moody, wardrobe. Also making mistakes in your internship isn’t an option ever, as your superior will more than likely eject your body into a black hole…
We’re still yet to decide whether these positives outweigh the negatives, but for those that like a career path with a bit of danger, this could be the position for you!
5. “Space Monkey” at Paper Street Soap Company (Fight Club)
PROS: This successful high end soap producer is probably one of the most unique internships on offer on this already outrageous list. This internship would largely be a front for you to pursue an agenda of taking down modern civilisation. The key goal of the company is to Skills you would learn not only include rendering human fat into soap, but learning to fight half naked in a basement and plotting the disruption of major financial corporations.
CONS: Similar to working on the death star, you check personal liberties at the door. Your identity is also a social construct and a symptom of the virus that is modern day society, so that has to go too. Sadly all your personal belongings and seemingly innocent habits like “Netflix and chill” or eating fro-yo will not make it into your new life. You’ll relocate to Paper St. with a fairly rough induction process. But hey – you’re not in the soap business for the creature comforts. This role is best suited to people that identify as anarchists.
6. News Desk Intern at Atlantis Cable News (The Newsroom)
PROS: Atlantis Cable News (ACN) broadcasts 24 hour news programming in competition with Fox and MSNBC. Its figurehead is the fearless Will McAvoy, who made his return to the spotlight of journalism after cracking it on live TV and quite explicitly calling out the entirety of the US on the fact that it really isn’t the greatest country in the world. Under the careful guardianship of Executive Producer Mac, ACN is known for pumping out hard-hitting investigative journalism that aims to manoeuvre the bi-partisan climate with discerning tact. The office environment is paced at the speed of light, and your witty quips must be on point in order to keep afloat in the cross-room banter (shout out to Aaron Sorkin). People here have ambition. If you want a Pulitzer prize for journalism, this is the office that might take you to it.
CONS: With the mountain highs, comes the plummeting falls. Working in the news cycle requires the discretion to know not just what to report, but when. It seems that employees of ACN are constantly being set up and sabotaged with false leads. Watch where you step with a news story that you think could be the nest Guantanamo, but is instead as false as Trump’s toupee.
7. Don Corleone’s “Slap-Man” Intern (The Godfather)
PROS: This internship comes from someone in the office. And while it was said in jest, the more we thought about, the more we said “Why the hell not?” Just entertain us for a moment: the Don is sitting in his office, droopy-faced, cigar-puffing, cat-stroking, talking about the sleeping habits of “fishes.” And in the corner is you, mafia intern, furiously trying to juggle managing the next Italian wedding with scheduling the next boot-legging operation. The perks would definitely involve pasta for breakfast, lunch and dinner, talking largely with your hands and getting to say things like ““I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse.” We imagine plenty of fine Italian suits would be making their way into your wardrobe.
CONS: We’re not really sure on the degree you would need (criminology, perhaps?). The application process would be unorthodox. Job would be unorthodox and most definitely incriminating. You might also have to prove Sicilian bloodline.
8. Surgical Intern at Seattle Grace Hospital (Grey’s Anatomy)
PROS: Though very little surgery ever seems to happen in this place, there’ll be plenty of #drama to keep you busy. Your mentors are the leading surgeons in the country, your peers a competitive and talented group of oddballs with extensive back stories and unstable personalities. Seattle Grace Hospital will be your home, and after probably being disliked and socially ostracised by everyone, your coworkers will become your family. Expect to come out of your internship with a wedding, a baby and several near death experiences. But it’s not all unexpected life spectacle and turmoil. Your experiences will be padded with an indecent parade of ~dreamy~~ men. You will affectionately refer to them as Mc’Something and spend your days pin-balling away from one to another in order to preserve your career. It’s a pick n’ mix bag, but we’ll take it.
CONS: 100 hour work weeks are a minimum expectation. If you don’t eat/sleep/breath surgery and daydream about appendectomies, you probably won’t make it through your first year. Inappropriate relationships with your coworkers are formerly frowned upon, but appear to be the key to success? Who said doctors don’t have any fun!